Time Frozen

The last picture I took of Kieran with his hair & Finnegan our new puppy.

So, time froze for me in March. I stopped doing everything I loved -photographing, writing , making cards, scrapbooking, eating, thinking happy thoughts. Kieran began losing his hair and I felt like I was losing my mind. At the time I thought it was the worst thing that could possibly happen, but if I could have taken a peek into our future I would have been able shelve those fears. Looking back now, I regret the time I lost wrapped up in grieving his hair loss and changing appearance. Now almost four months later, I am so proud of my son and his new found strength and confidence. I have grown used to his new look and am no longer startled when I see him come downstairs in the early morning. He has gained a sense of self that I could never help him with but that he found on his own out of necessity. I wish I had been stronger, felt  differently and documented our journey because as traumatic as the time was, so many wonderful things happened in that frozen time. We composed a letter to the parents at school and I received an unexpected phone call from a dad I had never met that really touched me, Kieran's circle of friends rallied around him and proved what great kids they were. My friends listened and comforted me more than they will ever know. My other children became Kieran's fiercest protectors. We bought the most wonderful dog, Patrick had a health scare that reminded all of us of what is really important, Casey's scoliosis mysteriously disappeared. Kieran told us that he believed God wanted him to look this way for some reason... I wondered why God would put Kieran through this. As time passed and  things progressed I began to wonder if this test was meant more for me than him.

This is how I take Kieran's picture now...always with a baseball hat. I hope to be able to capture him without one. Look how happy he is!!!